...how to defend private property when God is a communist...

From a review of David Mitchell's new book "Black Swan Green": Yet, for all their purported insight, half-pint Homers can be downright cloying and phony, as anyone who's met Oskar Schell can attest.

I don't know about you but I loved Oskar Schell. Anyone else?

I can't really think of anything to say today except I've found inconvenient ways to come online several times today, and yesterday, waiting for you. It is making it that much more difficult to finish (read: start) the 15-page essay due in 6 days.

...continually freshes your home...

I am aware that the following discussion will reveal my long-lasting never-fading love for General Hospital, but for the good of humanity I am making that sacrifice:

I am having a problem with Sonny and Emily. Huge. By which I mean, only sometimes because at times they really do click and I see something there, and am buoyed by the fact that young innocent Emily ended up with the older stronger man she adored for years. BUT. I don't like Natalia Livingston - I don't like her as Emily, she doesn't fit. Like all their scenes together, sometimes she does it right but most of the time they just do not have the same kind of chemistry that other GH power couples, like Sonny/Carly, Carly/Jason, Jax/Brenda, Sonny/Brenda have had. Maurice Benard looks awkward too - and goddamn it is frustrating how much she dotes on him. I can't see this relationship lasting, it is just too lacking in any tension, any interplay. It makes me crazy.

It is now two months that they have been together, and I am getting increasingly anxious. I am really bothered by this - not to mention the fact that the age difference is horrendous. We know that I am usually liberal about age, but really honestly now - when she was 16, Sonny was in his mid-30's. Now, he's pushing 40 and she's a medical student. I would also like to add that this scenario would not, COULD not have ever developed with Amber Tamblyn as Emily because she looked too young, and would always remind people of watching her grow up on the show, and the age difference between Sonny/Emily could never be put out of your mind. But Natalia Livingston has that older, sultrier soap opera look (which by the way, takes even more of her credibility as a medical school student away) and so when she is with Sonny sometimes you forget that she was the same girl who not too long ago was dating Juan. Incidentally, I only just remembered Juan right now as I was writing this, and that brings up a whole new pseudo-incentuous quality to this.

ABC, ABC please do something about this. I am emotionally fragile. My world is askew.

Incidentally, since I've already started this GH segment, I might as well go all out: The greatest power couple romantically on that show was Sonny/Brenda, followed by Jason/Robin, and Sonny/Carly. I would argue though that even better than that (in terms of acting, sexual tension, energy, and great great lines), the greatest power couple on that show ever was Jason/Carly, even though they never really culminated in that trueblue "relationship". I mean, after their friendship developed, it took them about three years to work up to that amazing Jason-initiated kiss after Jerry got arrested, and man. No one ever got tired of watching their sequence play out. The acting chemistry between Steve Burton and Sarah Brown was just... phenomenal. Although Sarah Brown was amazing with just about any character she interacted with. Bringing Tamara Braun in as the new Carly was not a good call, although I have high hopes for this new actress playing Carly right now, whoever she is. The new Carly/Jax thing is wonderful. Good call! Shows the writers can get things right sometimes.

But that Sonny/Emily thing... oh boy.

...laughing so naturally...

I guess it depends on whether you see the glass half full or half empty.

This is what you would start with: he kissed me.

From there it can go one of two ways:
i) This is a bittersweet ending.
ii) This is a difficult beginning.

...bitter bitter scuffy...

I am having a fat day and I have to go to Ferdosi and I am wearing the same thing as last year because I could not find anything this year, and tonight is a bad night.

But today was good, earlier.

I had a dream last night that I was standing in front of a blackboard drawing pictures, wearing a cute little dress and admiring my work when a big voice said behind me "What is that? Get that off my board. It looks like a dead elephant!" And I knew then it was time to go visit Grosman. So I did. And it was nice.

...no one is a circumstantial brat...

- He's talking about the kind of girlfriend he wants, and I'm thinking - I'm that girl. -

Today was a job interview for a job I don't really want - I passed with flying colours, and was invited to a last interview with the company director. I want to call them tomorrow, apologize for wasting their time. Not go the last interview. Because I am not really interested. Just confirming that yes, I can do better.

Speaking of doing better - Saturday I am going on a date. A real, live, honest-to-goodness date the likes of which I have rarely had. Most of my relationships have been the result of hyperdramatic, nearly-unrequited crushes that had me in the throes of infatuation. I'm not really used to a guy saying "Hey, we should go out" outofthebluestraightup like that. I thought at first maybe it wasn't the best idea, because I'm not in the throes of infatuation but everyone in my life is telling me that's silly, maybe that's my problem, he's great go out with him and maybe things will develop.

Which is great in theory - except I did do that once before, the only other time I had a genuine "first date" experience with a guy I didn't yet really know, and the things didn't develop, and he got hurt. I'm hoping not to repeat.

I misled you a little, above. I said I am not in the throes of infatuation. Well maybe not in the overly-sensitized sense. But I do like someone, more than a little. And I think he likes me maybe, at least a little. And nothing is likely to come out of this, so why I am even talking about? I don't know - maybe because I am thinking about it. More than a little. He's the one who should have asked me out.

...i want to go dramatic...

I'm worried that in all the 8 hours we spent at my aunt's house today, nobody found the time to gather and take pictures by the haft sin. I'm worried about what this means for the new year - that we will spend the year running about hectic and crazed? I wanted more calm for the coming months.

Mostly, I just wanted pictures.

...the biggest storm of the century...

- maybe I wore this dress to tempt you -

The men are playing poker downstairs. The women are playing rummy downstairs. They called me "shazdeh khanoom", "chegad nazi!". I want to play cards, too. I just want to do something.

Happy New Year!

Because I missed resolutions on the first one, here's a second attempt:
+ be happy
+ be a mountain

...kicking it/i am able...

"It's frustrating if you're a microbe that's been wandering the Universe for a million years to then die striking the surface of Europa," Dr Gladman said.

From this article in the BBC. Does anyone want to tell him that his pity is wasted? That poor little microbe has no conscious thought.

Scientists need to get out more.

...svenergy...

i) I was asked out on a date tonight. At least, I think I was. He asked me to 7 west. Next Saturday night. For wine. His treat. That's pretty unambiguously a date, right?

ii) Everyone is painting over their graffiti - schools, businesses, bars. Is this spring cleaning? I have a thesis to write, jerkwads. Told my advisor, and she sarcastically (but not insensitively) said "You're a scientist. Deal with it".

iii) I'm so tired.

...judy garland, taking buddha by the hand...

Long story short: ice cream is good.

...relating...

I have to wonder, because the movie ends (as all movies do) before you figure out what lies in store for the characters in the future, whether Baby Housman ever grew up. Whether she ever lost her naivete, or stopped trying to fix the world; stopped protecting her Johnny Castle, or hoping for him.

I hear that Jennifer Grey was a lot like her character in real life - I know that she became glamorous and centred in the future, secure in herself. I also know that her nose job was a big part of that. Maybe that will do the trick for me, too?

...tori tori tori...

My last relationship, too, was "a sorta fairytale". That song is me. The video is even more so - two incomplete lovers kindasorta making it, but not quite. Everything not quite perfect, but even the small imperfections are integral. What's a head without a body?

Today was a slight lack of consciousness - inventory last night (for the second time in four weeks) left me zombie-like. I slept, shopped and ran into my old best friend, with whom I had coffee and a long, friendly, awkward-free chat for two hours; something that hasn't happened between us in two years.

Earlier and talking to a boy who has traveled across a long progressive path in his relationship with me: initially, I hated him. I found him obnoxious and immature and would not even bother. In the last couple of months, I found him... surprising. Every day I was finding out something that made me laugh, or say "awww". To say he is a nice guy is kind of an understatement. This week, well let's just say we're having ice cream next week. I don't know what that means exactly - ice cream isn't nearly as well-defined as coffee, or dinner and the movies. Ice cream could just be... ice cream. Which isn't a bad thing since the first big thing I realized about him in the past few weeks is that he is a wonderful friend, and that is just lovely.

...have a benny on me...

Inspired by an email from someone else interested in semiotics, I felt it was about time I filled the world in on the paper I am writing for gendered linguistics. It's exciting and interesting and smelly. If I can keep the methodology concrete and professional, I am going to try and get it published. Either way, it is something that has really gotten a hold of me, and I'm intrigued to see what I find.

How many people do you know who say they've reached their greatest ideas sitting on the john? Well this idea literally appeared in front of me on the toilet. It occured to me one day as I read the latest scribbles on the wall in front of me that I had here a perfect example of an absolutely isolated single-sex conversation milieu. If there was any concrete way to compare the communication styles of men and women, what better way than through bathroom graffiti? Not only is it completely same sex in practise, I have a theory (which may or may not prove correct) that separated from the other sex as they are, the examples of speech in this context will be more accurate of the true speech identities of either men or women.

Reading the one serious article I could find on this subject, I decided to borrow that author's idea of how to in some way test these comparisons in a mixed-gender settings. Study cubicles are small and isolated like bathroom stalls, but are available to both genders. The three walls boxing them in also give an illusion of the kind of privacy that exists in bathrooms. Hopefully, it will show some kind of a common ground of the two language styles.

The past couple of weeks has been research and theorizing; data collection starts on Wednesday as Cody and I head around the U of T campus transcribing selected washrooms and libraries; I will fill you in as I go. I would love to hear any comments, suggestions or ideas you have. Or even some of the more interesting writing you have come across in toilets you have... visited?

...flirting with impermissibility...

Today was about someone teasing me. It happened three times, all of them with a smile. Once, I pouted back, called him mean and said "I don't like you". To which he laughed, and said "yes you do". Which is true, and not good. But still true.

Does Nathan Phillips Square make its own ice? Because I want to go skating tomorrow, and the weather this weekend has been unseasonably warm. Fix this please.

Tonight was the Oscars with Sam and his friends - lots of fun. I love them all - the girls are funny and bright. Marjan was sweet to me, and Negar gave happylaughing commentary through the show, acerbic wit. The Oscars were a funny bit - I'm glad at George Clooney, and Philip Seymour Hoffman. I'm less thrilled about Reese Witherspoon. Her speech was unbelievably obnoxious. The rap song made me laugh - the comparison of their Oscar to Martin Scorcese's lack of one made me laugh harder. Crash made a happy ending. Brokeback Mountain was becoming too much, undeservedly. And so, another film year over.

...channeling dolly parton...

i am rather drunk right now

the only reason this merits discussion is because i never ever ever get drunk - and i did tonight because everyone kept buying me pretty drinks that were yummy like

grasshopper
white russian
mimosa
amaretto sour
and something else that was green and a martini. but green.

then i got kissed by three boys, once on the ear. but none was the right one. he would not come. it would not even occur to him to come, even though the only thought occurring to me as i put on the hot suede boots (which someone spilled drink on tonight) was that maybe i might see him and maybe he would come. but he didn't.

...field pilates...

My 12 year old cousin has a boyfriend - she is crazy about him, and every night on MSN (at least so her name tells me), she is "thinkn of him", surrounded by hearts and swirly things. I do what any responsible cousin would do: ask her to tell me everything. This is what I have gathered:

He is three days older than her.
He has both ears pierced.
He skateboards and snowboards.
He boards at a private school in Aurora.
And, like, he is so hot.

She emails me his picture, and I'm floored. The kid is hot. And the piercings aren't your ordinary piercings, they're spiked spacers. He is a punk, I am sure of it, seeing his cocky smile and wide brown eyes. A heart-breaker in the making. "Does your mom know?" I ask, grinning. "Of course, he's my freakin boyfriend. She has to know".

Good. For. Her.

I grill her about his height, weight, heritage, what his parents do, where he lives - "Hey, why are you asking all these questions"?, she wants to know. Easy. So I can recognize him, and proceed to kick his butt. "Hey! Not cool!" The proverbial middle school protest - not cool.

I love her, she is my favorite person. I am glad that she told her mother. I am glad the harshest word in her vocabulary is "freakin". I am glad that "boyfriend" at 12 means they met at a dance, and haven't seen each other since.

"But, like we're both trying to set up a date that we can make. And there's another dance in March, and I'll see him there".

Today is a good day.

...he grew healthy aloe vera plants by the window...

Not to keep yanking at this birthday thing, but I need more - let's talk about presents. What do you give, what do you like getting? How do you feel about birthday presents in general, as a trend? How did you feel as a kid, how do you feel now?

Someone recommended Panic! At the Disco to me the other day, I don't remember who. I bought it today on their word and I don't like it. Too many words, they are too verbose. And the melodies aren't complete, or nearly as catchy as the hype would have me believe. Sigh.

Listen to "Love Affair" by Regina Spektor, and tell me if she doesn't just about sound like the sexiest thing ever?

See the thing with the boy in blue is this - he is not a boy. Nor is he available. It doesn't stop me from getting a stupid grin whenever I run into him. But so it is. I don't even really like him really (I keep saying that. I don't know who I am trying to convince.) I don't know. I'm dumb.