...how to get blood stains out of green velour after a party...

- AMO Complete Contact Lens Solution, in copious amounts
- super absorbent quilted paper towels
- soak soak soak
- blot blot blot
- repeat as needed, air dry, no heat

Two more things to remember:
- I am the domestic goddess
- still, no more guests. ever.

...gff kiss kiss...

I have some people I went to high school with on my Facebook friends list. I'm not actually friends with them. If they saw me on the street, they might pause and try and place me. Maybe they would remember having attended the same high school as me. Probably they would notice my Lacoste sneakers and recognize them for what they are - from a line two years old and bought on *shudder*... discount.

These girls added me on their friends lists over the course of the last year or two, as Facebook was gaining in popularity as a network tool and as a visual, real-time representation of people's popularities. They added me to increase the number of friends on their list, I added them to provide me with endless hours of wall-reading fun. I'm gratified to find that neither their spelling skills, nor their social consciences have improved...

Earlier I saw two of them on the subway. They sat right across from me. One looked at me briefly, as if I looked familiar, but finally must have decided that she didn't really know me. Maybe she assumed she had seen me on the subway before, and mentally analysed whatever that day's fashion faux pas had been. They continued talking with each other. I listened with avid curiousity and laughed at what I heard - they were still talking about people we went to high school with, who they had run into, who was dating who, what was crazy and couldn't dance and why did she come out with us last night, and who was wearing what and can you believe it?

Like I said, endless entertainment.

...why didn't you come to this old man sooner...

Things pass in small increments. The days are difficult, but each brings something to help regain the balance. Reading the poetry of Hafiz is calming me today and I'm redirecting priorities, reassigning value. That in itself is calming. Then the call from Remenyi that a Yann Tierson score I requested is finally (two years and more later) available in Canada. I will play myself calm and fall into the music, let it replace the loud silences of people.

Tonight I want to dance. The Sufis whirled, I would rather swing. Release the tension, laughing and kicking feet.

...celebrating stocks and barrels...

I tried for 33 minutes to articulate the past two days, and in each attempt I got tired after trying to get the details out. But really I don't think the details matter so much, at least in this context. (In that other context, the "getting-the-whole-story" context, I think the details matter very much). For the purposes of before-bed unwinding and the letting go of something off the chest, I can get away with just expressing the blurred edges containing the event.

Actually even that isn't true, I just spent another 9 minutes trying for an outline, without success. I guess all you need to know is that I wasn't crying because I was upset by what she said, but because (even though he didn't think he did) he did help and make it better, and it was that support which made me emotional. I think the next couple of weeks I'm going to be like a kid with separation anxiety.

Someone asked me today why I didn't tell her (or any of the people she spoke to, after) what happened on my end. The answer is nobody asked. Everyone wants to continue saying/believing/acting as before, which is how people act when they have no real connections and everything happens at the surface. So, okay. I can act at surface level too.

...c.r.a.z.y...

If I were my little happy blue pills that (I am positive) still had 5 left in the bottle... where would I be?

Saturday is painful and horizontal. It is bed and pajamas and hot-water bottles and House & Home magazine. Sunday will be back to the grind studying-wise, then again Monday, then work and a meeting on Tuesday. Wednesday? Social recovery in the form of an in-style sending off of one Britt and one Kritt, with martinis and a patio.

...speed from energy...

Sometimes I wonder whether we start unconsciously to pick up the language style of our favorite books; whether we read them so many times that the way we speak begins to shadow the way the author writes. I'm only thinking about this because I'm reading Sheila Heti's 'The Middle Stories' and it sounds like Laurie. Which is funny (or unsurprising) because it's one of her favorite books.

Now I'm wondering if I sound like my favorite books? I'll have to make someone who knows me read one of them, then tell me.

...no opportunity wasted...

I have no one to talk to.

...i'm sorry, i can't be more definitive...

The only justification I can give is that I had been studying for about 9 consecutive hours for the dozenth day in a row and I had to act out in some incredibly inappropriate manner, and this was how I chose to do so.

Further, I lent my copy of Foucault's Pendulum to somebody and I can't remember who, and if I lent it to any of you let me know because I want to read it again and I can't afford to buy it right now because I have a trazillion other books to buy and I am poor this week, and even 22$ short of where I should be because I bought Gaarder's The Orange Girl only to come home and find I already had it (I knew I did, but then I couldn't find it and it was a disaster hence why I bought it, and then I saw it in my mother's room when I was looking for Foucault!).

Was that a sentence?

I'm sorry, it's the coffee. And the anxiety. Tomorrow night better.

...another sober saturday...

Do you remember Saved by the Bell: The College Years? The episode where Screech had a crush at the waitress at Skeeter's and imagined future love because she called him SugarBritches? But she just called everyone that (and then he was crushed)?

Okay. Well, I'm the new SugarBritches. Okay?

...gulf stream through the open door...

In justification of my continued absence:

i) Late-night reading, circa May 2005. I wish more people thought like Scott. Excerpts from his blog are in this years Best American NonRequired Reading, and I had to go read the rest of it.

ii) Easy listening Feist as I study for my last two exams, fast approaching.

iii) Trying to get skinny. I mean it. Skinny skinny skinny! (Please?)

iv) Trying to plan The Great (British) Escape. It looks like the Steph and I will try and road-trip around the UK from Manchester to parts unknown for a couple weeks this summer. Fingers-crossed. Hey London-ites, invite us to look in on you!

v) Oh oh oh! Nimany trunk show, Saturday at Paaeez. Who's coming with me?