...indiana house 09...

i) 249 for Bush, 211 for Kerry au moment ou l'on parle. Ohio is being a problematic state. I am not impressed. Another four years of bullshit, it appears.

ii) "He loves you", said Janet as we left them at the corner. "I know" I replied. Of course I know, he just had me in a panic attack not seen in me for so long. The thing is, he was the kind of person I wanted to crush on from afar. Yes, he's amazing. Yes, he's wonderful. We all KNOW this, but this was never supposed to become something tangible. Then the summer happened, and I saw how it was going to be; and today something just started, and I don't know why but then he was holding my hand and not letting go. If this was last year, I would have loved this. Loved.

Tonight, it just made me panic. It made me sick to my stomach and I didn't want this. Right now, at this second, I had something I thought I wanted for so long and it just hit me smack in the face that I don't, that I'm scared, that I have so many problems with this and, frustratingly, that what (read: who) I want is someone different, who doesn't want me or maybe he does (and this has to be figured out soon or my head/heart will explode), and man. I couldn't breathe.

Every day, it's getting closer
Going faster than a roller coaster
Love like yours will surely come my way
(A-hey a-hey)

...do you ever long for
True love from me?

iii) I want to see the following people, right. Now.

Farnam
Rachel
Lizzy
Lizzy
Lizzy

...and one more person.

iv) I've only ever previously had a panic attack over one guy, and that was not pleasant. I think today's was a big blaring no-no sign that I need to be so cautious, so cautious because in both cases, with both of them, I am in so far over my head that drowning is a probability.

And p.s. I hope those fucking potato farmers choke on their potatoes and die. Yeah, you know what I am talking about.