...this stands to reason...

i) Being upset that the boy brought the girl to the celebration is really rather petty. Completely justified (strangers do NOT belong in family events, and Joe's memorial is not a time to "socialize", as the girl said), but still petty.

ii) The past week I spent a lot of time watching Jordan. Just watching, thinking. Do you understand that I have seen him more in the past two weeks than in the past two years? If he thinks he's slipping away again, he has another thing coming. I'm in that place right now where none of my people gets away, for any reason. I'm hanging on to all of you for a good while yet, please and thank you.

iii) I'm pulling the avoidance shtick. The same "you're making me uncomfortable/feel like an idiot/staying away now" avoidance shtick that I called AM on. And now I'm doing it. But damn, I can see now why he did it, it just makes everything so much EASIER.

iv) Really don't know why I'm still sitting at my computer, I have to get to work. And, also - to coffee, which is across the street from work. Mmmmm heaven.

v) There are some poets, I think, who are just determined to break my heart.

a false reality
where i loved and was loved
i woke up crying