...i was learning art from a blind man...

As the hardest week of my life draws to a close, I want to have one last post reminiscing Joe before I start living in his example and tangibly maintaining his legacy in that way. For this post, I am going to share with you excerpts from two different emails from him, and the lessons I personally take from them.

There will be a stranger that passes you and does something... it will catch your attention... what they do will not be what sets them apart, but rather how they do every one of their somethings. Please figure out what that is so you can share it with me. I am trying to learn something.

I'm waiting for your stories,
Peace,
Love,
Joe.

For the most part, people in this world are very similar. We live the same, love the same, have many of the same values and goals and intentions - the difference lies in how we conduct ourselves, the small differences that make us unique, the strength with which we stick to our guns. Joe talked about strangers in his email, but this uniqueness of action and motivation is something I see in all of my friends, everyday. In Martha, who never backs down from her philosophies, for Kristen who is advanced beyond her time, Meliss who is so tough tough tough you can't mess with her but so sweet you're afraid someone will, Tara who is beautiful by the small touches and originality she employs instead of name-brand sheeping.

I feel so grateful and blessed for my beautiful friends, from whose small distinctions I can learn and grow. You are all so special to me.

Being alive is being surrounded by people you love. Being alive is getting caught up in the rain and dancing outside, not moping and waiting for it to end. Being alive is being miserable but appreciating that you feel. Being alive is being curious, and not worrying about that damn cat. Being alive is not labelling things because what can be labelled can be dismissed. Being alive is being cliche sometimes.

To live is to suffer - an eastern philosophy precept.
To suffer brings learning - a common realization.
To learn is to grow - this stands to reason.
To grow is to be filled with life - this also stands to reason.
To be filled with life is to love - at least, this is what many people say.
To love is to live - I can't prove it, I've only felt it.

I love you all.

I am determined to be alive. For me, being alive will entail not settling for second best; not regretting that someone else will choose to do so; being alive will mean squeezing every last drop out of every moment, believing that love and hope do exist and are worth aspiring to, that they are not myths; being alive will mean being true, and more importantly, acting true.

Tonight I feel as if I finally said goodbye to Joe. As the chants and boom chicka booms and "what's LEV3L" raps were going on, I was sitting in a corner of the quiet room, candles and incense lit around me, reading his lyrics and words, going through the scrapbook and the last 4 years. Totally oblivious to the noise coming over from the other end of the hall, I sat and read and remembered and promised. I felt at peace, and I felt calm.

There were so many things I wanted to say to Joe:

I'm sorry we fought that one time.
I wish I had talked to you more about faith.
I love your devotion to your family.
You are my brother.

After spending that quiet time with myself, I felt more secure in that somehow (maybe because he's just smart and perceptive like that), Joe would know all this. I'm sure he does. And when he sees all of us moving from this day, willing ourselves to live his message and his passion through our actions and promising to do so because it matters more than anything else we've ever done, I'm sure he'll start laughing his ass off thinking "suckers, I'm still getting you to do things my way".

"Remember setting the turtle free?
I love you, be well."