...see you when you get there...

There was a small incident last night where I fell apart and spent two hours crying on the phone to Rachel. I don't really know what brought it on, nor what finally made it pass but I couldn't get ahold of myself, and I couldn't see anything but the fact that everything was wrong with everything and nothing was ok. Eventually something must have been ok though because almost as suddenly and without warning as it had arrived, it passed and we were making summer plans.

On the last page of a new book by NRB, read in advance, is the following sentence: "It's all crazy. And there will always be things I can't erase. But I think the best I can do is defy the craziness for as long as I can. And live. And be happy." And it was funny to me that I finished the book today when that is exactly how I generally feel, and how I act.

I thought afterwards though that maybe it isn't the most wise of mentalities. If you defy the crazy, won't it all catch up to you at the end? Isn't that only logical? So what's the alternative? Because ignoring whatever it is that gets me when it gets me doesn't seem the best solution when after a few months of trying, I end up paralysed with panic and sadness for hours on end. Bottle-burst and all that.

Things to think about.