...i want to see my children laughing...

I think I am smarter than you or I know.

Because I found every double entendre before it was revealed, and saw it coming. The problem was, I didn't know what "it" was. I can never put it all together, get the big picture.

I think I am meant for bigger things than this. Bigger than being up with a headache at quarter to five in the morning, after having spent the last 9 hours reading a book that had me gripped at every turn, and questioning everything I knew of history and general knowledge and art.

I don't know what this means, but it seems that all of a sudden I (along with however many people before me) have a new interest, new hobby. New obsession? Maybe - because I stopped reading a half hour ago, and I am now in full fledged research mode at my computer.

God love the internet.

God... interesting. Another thing to think about tonight. I should go to bed before my thoughts start running away with me. I need more hardcore research tools than this anyway. I need a library. I need "the" library. Is there such a thing?

Fuck - I am either a complete nerd, or a hopelessly naive simpleton, or a brilliant mastermind. Or an incomprehensible combination of the three.

You would probably understand me better if it wasn't the middle of the night, and I was speaking with something at least somewhat resembling coherence.

Aside - Most of what I read tonight, and later researched, was new. Some of it was not, and absurdly enough, was historical context (strangely accurate historical context) that I read in an obscure romantic novel with a captivating minor character. An obscure novel which made the only reference to any of this craziness that I have read so far, and dudes I have read a lot of books (absurd and otherwise). I don't know what my point is, except that if someone brilliant and someone not so much so, both stumbled across the same general things and tied things together like that, shouldn't it mean it was real? Right? Umm... forget it. That's my simpleton part talking. The rest of my parts are going to bed... now.