...creative ideas for home...

The girl turned philosophical on me last night.

"Are you half-full of bright, flirty, inconsequential energy - or half-empty of anything deep and meaningful?"

She's talking about relationships of course, and my current trend of lack thereof. Apparently, I should be after more than just dating/making out with random guys. More specifically, she's talking about M and my current status of "scared shitless", to use the proper terminology.

See because I've heard all the arguments, the "love hurts, but try again" arguments, the "you're being an idiot" arguments. But I'm still queasy. It's like rollercoasters. You know they're safe, but still scared to go on. And you'll tell me yeah but eventually you get on - I don't. You may, but I don't do rollercoasters. Ever. Ask anyone.

I spent two days this weekend convincing myself to go to Middle House last night. Told myself, "dude", for that is how I refer to me, "dude, just go". So I went, and felt the lovely sensation of kick in the gut. We thought this was past, I know, but strangely, with school came a resurgence of things past and its all very frustrating. It seems that I didn't go far enough away. College/Spadina may be a bitch of a walking distance to my old stomping grounds, but for all intents and purposes it's the same old. Which shouldn't surprise me really, because thinking about it, I didn't really leave res (and all that implies) - I just brought it with me.

This "avoidance" mentality that is me has consequences in the real world as well - French is my only class at Victoria, in Northrop Frye, right across from the old residences. My attendance rate in this, the third week of class, is hovering around 50%. This will have to be fixed. But not today, because I am not in the mood for French today.