...i know, i know you tried to change things...

For Javod, who asked and shall receive:

I am happy and up and busy and light. I run around from one place to another, record-breaking strides, but I have so much energy it works. As I walk to the next destination, sometimes I am so wound I run for several steps before walking again. Everything is fast, intense isolated moments.

The breakdown is as follows: This morning is teaching until around 3, then tripping to the FTC offices for coffee with a Brahmin god. Then to dinner, then to Jorane on my own because no one else wants to see her (but it's okay because I will make friends there). Immediately from there to Ciao Edie's to see a British Dave, before everyone packs up and goes to the Supermarket. In my old haunts it seems tonight. Then at the end of tonight, like last night, like the night before that, is a boy.

The anonymity/lowdown idea worked for about a week. Already this week people are figuring things out, the pieces fall into place. Just out of nowhere, everything fell into place.

I'm a little overwhelmed so my head is going everywhere at once. I'm secretly afraid of commitments, despite craving them. They're big and risky and induce panic. I want the quiet, the smaller moments for as long as I can; like yesterday and two hours in Queen's Park on a picnic bench with you holding me, and sunlight through green trees.