...it might seem, but not truly so...

We all need something to bring us through, comfort in uncertain times. Christmas lights in my bedroom and carols in my stereo, imagining snow outside; drinking hot chocolate late at night in white woolen socks, pretending I feel a chill, and forcing myself to feel the spirit (it passed, I know, but I am not yet resigned). My year didn't feel complete somehow, without Christmas. It's usually a comforting, cozy, happy time for me and this year, it drifted past like smoke, intangible. I almost blame it for the fact that right now nothing is like it's supposed to be. As the second week of January approaches, there is still no snow and it's 13 degrees outside. That's all it would take for me to feel honestly happy for a little while, is waking up to one white morning. I'm very easily contented, I promise. Like in high school, when I fell in love with high school finite math, all because of factorials. Because of the exclamation marks, you know? It wasn't just math anymore, it was math!

Something else not like it was supposed to be? He did come home, after all. He just didn't come home to me. Sixteen days, still nothing.