...it happened in a remote parking lot...

Jafar Panahi's film Offside, in addition to being beautiful and exciting, had me thinking about the things that hold meaning for us, and for which we are willing to risk certain inconvenience, even injury. In this film, several young women dress as men in an attempt to sneak into Azadi Stadium to watch the World Cup qualifying match between Iran and Bahrain. Football fanaticism aside, these women were really in a precarious situation, especially after being caught. What was it about this game that brought them to such extreme actions?

I can't help being a little disappointed that, off the top of my head, there is nothing in my life for which I can see myself taking any risks. The passion just isn't there. Even on the issues and dreams which inspire me to movement and action, I can't move much past drawing elaborate plans in a series of brightly coloured notebooks, organized thematically.

The director spoke after the movie and before it, an introduction, some memories and thoughts and answers to some of the audiences questions. His passion was obvious; I can imagine he, too, would take (and must have already taken) risks to pursue the things that stir him. When did he know? How do people come to realize, "here! this is what I need to do, this is me"?

I wonder if I lived in any other society, one where things weren't so easy and undemanding, I would be more decided about who I am, and eager to manifest it. It is so easy to live a perfectly satisfactory life here, just coasting. It started to occur to me even more when I started working where I am now, seeing how many people resigned themselves to where they are when it is so different from the dreams they once had. Because they have no real compelling reason to change; make some money, go out for drinks at the end of the week, maybe dancing occasionally to break the monotony. I want to figure out exactly what I want from my life, and build it up boldly in my head, turn it into a quest. I want to have a reason to eventually say "okay. it's enough now. it's time".