...the kid in minnesota...

He wants to know about my dark side. Well, compared to drugs or stealing or fighting, I don't suppose it seems that dark, but to me (and to anyone who knows how I feel) it's the darkest.

How do you measure insecurity? How do you determine whether your self-consciousness or self-hate is as debilitating as any other flaw that someone might have? Or what effect that might have on a relationship?

I was insecure with A; I was insecure with J. I worried about how I looked, what I did, how I appeared to their friends. I'm pretty sure the same pattern is before me again. I think he will become bored with me. I agonize about my weight every day. I am preoccupied with whether my friends really like me or not. I want to know how happy people feel to see if I recognize it. I wonder if anyone will fall in love with me. I am afraid I will amount to nothing. I smoke to fit in, I read politics to fit in. I dance and drink and talk and work to fit in. I joined a gym to fit into a dress...