...may i admire you again today...

The funny thing about the name of my blog is the supreme irony. There is no one answer to everything, and if there is I certainly do not know it. But maybe that is not too bad, because I have people to help me out. No fewer than three of my friends came to visit me today. One was Derek who brought me humour and lanky hugs. The other was Tara, and my heart was ecstatic when I saw her. I am kidnapping her and Derek both for lunch or something tomorrow afternoon. The third was Rachel. She brought me silver earrings from Barcelona, her help in fixing up some guacamole, and the (stolen) makings for delicious RL Fudge Overboards the likes of which hasn't been seen since the 11th grade. She also stayed with me to watch Pretty in Pink. The entire mix of all these people, plus a surprisingly supportive intervention by someone unexpected on my behalf just made me feel all fuzzy today.

On the other hand, a couple of my other friends are not having the same fuzzy-feeling warmth today, and that upsets me. I msged one of them and told her what I felt (nutshell: you are gorgeous and supahfly) and will hug her tomorrow. The others - I want to help. I want to make happy. We will try. One of them might be beyond me, but she is probably the most deserving of being happy and secure, and if there is anything I can do to support that, I want to do it. She has spent the last couple of years listening to my every crisis, none of which comes anywhere close to her current one, so if there's any way I can lessen that pull, I need to do it.

This has been such a ridiculous week. Just completely absurd. I feel that I am on another planet, and look around me and shake my head. I hate being clear-headed in a sea of ... something. Michelle and I were talking about past experiences today, and I mentioned my grand flee to Quebec those years ago. I want to repeat - I am increasingly tempted to just go away somewhere, on my own. There isn't a single person right now that I would want to take with me anywhere. I just want some quiet for a little while.