...[but you are not with me]...

Determination to be unlazy means I have to buy advanced tickets to Rachael Yamagata avec Ryan Adams. Done and done.

My epiphany today is that I hate the boy. By which I mean, I love him. But will no longer speak of, or dramatize, or hyperventilate or obsess. Cross my heart. Because if he's not smart enough to like me, then I don't want him anyway. To the point that I don't even want to go see him, but I will because this is all a lie.

Aggravations:

i) A reviewer of the Junos raved about Feist and how much he loves her, and knew right from Monarch that she was stellar, and that her performance of "Mushroom" was incredible.

Significant because the song is called M-U-S-H-A-B-O-O-M and clearly he is just a poseymcposer.

ii) Unfriendly friends.

iii) An incredibly adorable sweet guy was in Blockbuster yesterday when I rented this week's distractions and directed me to foreign and we chatted briefly, and changed cute smiles. And then kept looking back at each other and pretending not to. And then my aunt and uncle came into the store and I was distracted then left and now I don't even know his name. Travesty, oh melodrama!

iv) For the record: I am not a ditz, or a princess, or a shallow whatever. I don't put on roles, consciously or otherwise. When I type hyper, I sound ditzy. When I talk stoned, I am poetic and occasionally brilliant (my only successes as a writer have been the result of narcotics). Other times I am sad and pathetic and it is blatantly obvious to everyone to what extent I use music and drugs and distraction and work and perpetual motion as a crutch to actually get from point A to point B. So maybe you think you know me, maybe you are aware you don't know me at all. But don't let this be the snapshot on which you make your analysis, because someone turned the light on before you clicked and I'm washed out washed out, so how could you make anything out anyway?

It'd be a shame to make believe, better to leave...

Wisdom, from a pink lady, verbatim: "Law of universe = Too good to be true".