...the bird is on the wing...

Before the phantom of False morning died,
Methought a Voice within the Tavern cried,
"When all the Temple is prepared within,
Why nods the drowsy Worshipper outside?"

We sat on the patio of Hart House in the shade, myself and the two lovely ladies, talking of school and politics and, because he had spoken at Columbia the day before, Ahmadinejad, over lunch. This led to religion, unsurprisingly, and talking about the "ungodly" teenage rebels in Iran, and how we thought of course it was inevitable. You force your straight-edged constrained idea of religion on a population, indoctrinating them year after year in schools and in the media, of course they will rebel. Of course they will turn your god out (and not knowing another, go without).

From above, from the third floor windows shutters flung wide, the sounds of the Azan (the Muslim call to prayer), streamed out and found us, discussing as we were our own unholiness. Inviting us back, invoking a divine intervention, determined not to let us go quite yet, it settled over us like a benediction.

...teach us to care and not to care...

i) I increasingly feel I'm infinitely too young to be constantly finding myself in T.S. Eliot. I've read Prufrock 4 or 5 times this week, and feel it, oh do I ever. Forcefully trying to convince myself to be a Hamlet, and not be idle, not to hesitate.

ii) Not particularly relevant to any of the millions of things in my mind right now, but I thought it important to mention that Allison Janney is one of the most brilliantly funny actresses. Possibly Ever.

iii) Remind me one of these to tell you why the feminists have it in for me, followed by how I show them wrong.

...the social harmony of democracy...

On the resume of a senior university student applying for an editor position, verbatim: "Helped needy Children in my community".

On one of almost 8 pages of mostly irrelevant data I didn't really need to know. I can't really see how the fact that she danced in a culture festival when she was 12 helps me to judge whether she can write or edit or publish for a magazine. (But you know what can? The sentence I quoted above.)

Stamp: Reject.

...in order to save her, exploded her-!...

Unbelievable that I who am usually so careful, so guarded left everything out there and didn't even realize. Not even clumsy hints, the whole thing, open open open. If I were so tempted, I would try and find out what you know, and if you told, and if I will be embarrassed, or not. I won't, but I will probably think about it for a few days, running the whole story through my mind faster than the beats below Fort Minor, shake my head to clear it and maybe laugh.

-Part of me hopes... I never see him again-

Unbelievable.

...paint me on the background...

Friday night early evening seems a funny time to have a garage sale.

I bought Yevtushenko's poems for $1; vintage red earrings for $2. One for culture, the other for style. Now, instead of paper-writing I'm reading 60's era Russian poetry, and wishing the translation were better.

(Speaking of translation, Felstiner's of Paul Celan is a masterful capture. This was also read tonight.)

...do not expect too much of the end of the world...

The abridged version of the long, paranoid, insecurity-rife post I wrote last night, and took down this morning because I didn't want anyone to think I was crazy, or not handling, is my horoscope from yesterday:

"As our planet sinks further into chaos, corporate marketing gurus press on with their drive to sell us their products. Reach now for what you really want, not what you think you are supposed to want."

...his sterility was infinite...

I think of my blog titles in a similar way as I do horoscopes -- they are inevitably something that I come across that day or comes to mind, a quote or phrase, or song lyric; later, I will actually see counterpoint reflections of it in my life. So vague it could apply to anyone, I nevertheless take this as a sign my choosing of a particular phrase was not random but intentioned, somehow.

Incidentally, today's title is from the table of content's to Foucault's Pendulum which I am currently re-reading. And the fact that I dressed cute today (ostensibly for the Mulroney event) and he STILL didn't give me a second glance demonstrates that as far as my world goes today, his sterility really is infinite. Or something.

...she travelled in hyperreality...

He said "Come, let's do this" and I thought it was marvellous. But tempered with humility and a healthy fear of failure, which made me ask if this was wise, if I could take this on. He says "full confidence" in the way that means it, but only after one conversation and I wonder if he maybe isn't wrong about me.

I'm the opposite of Eco's hero, the honest coward who dreams of being a hero.

...(don't) ride this way...

In a city increasingly calling itself "Transit City", it's funny that the TTC seems determined to find inefficient and unpopular methods of raising the revenue it needs to maintain services. It relies time and again on fare increases to support programming: the TTC announced a new fare increase today (it's third in the same number of years) that will put the cost of a monthly Metropass at $109.00, and the bulk price of a ticket/token at $2.25. I hear a lot about TTC successes, how it is the most productive North American transit system, how it has the highest farebox recovery rate (over 80% of its programming is paid for by fare revenue), and how it is the least subsidized transit system in the country. These all sound great but mostly what it means is we pay more for our transit, and don't always get a whole heck of a lot back. Delays, overcrowded trains, dirty dirty dirty stations...

If we really are going to be a Transit City, I'd like to see revenue solutions that don't disadvantage those of us who use the system most. I'm a student, and commute into Toronto everyday for school or work. I don't like driving, and certainly want to avoid it as much as possible. For the most part, it's more convenient for me to take the TTC everyday and despite the occasional delays, it usually works out quite well. However, a $9.25 increase on my monthly pass is not insignificant, and is probably going to deter me from continuing to buy a Metropass.

We should be taking advantage of creative revenue solutions that really promote public transit as a way of life and not simply an alternative means of transportation. If we're committed to "clean air" policies, as the ads in the subway tell me daily, we need to do more to show it: increase motor fuel taxes and direct that money to the TTC; charge access fees to offices and shopping centres on and around TTC stations; make new residential developments pay a one-time fee to the TTC to offset maintenance costs over the coming years resulting from an increased ridership from their building (San Francisco's transit system has used this method since 2002, charging new developments on transit areas $5.00 per gross square foot and has raised over $100 million in revenue through this program). Most importantly, stop antagonizing those of use who use the system regularly and are already stretched for cash by making us pay more to use the service; driving away (no pun intended) your regular ridership is hardly a good economic strategy.

The second-largest Canadian transit system is in Montreal. They also charge $2.75 for a single cash far, but the discounts for increased use are much steeper than in Toronto. The weekly pass is $19.00, and the monthly pass an unbelievable $65 ($35 for students). There is no university Metropass in Toronto, although high school students can get a monthly pass for $83. I repeat, NO university student discount from the TTC! I have a close friend who is very smart and very dedicated and studies at York University. She works nearly full time while in school to pay for school, and occasionally doesn't make it to class because she can't scrounge up subway fare. She can't buy a Metropass because a one-time first-of-the-month payment of a hundred bucks is more than she can manage. Transit in Toronto really needs to step up to the plate, this is just too much.

...september, briefly...

i) It's the third day of classes and I've already succumbed to buying Chinese food off the back of a truck. This doesn't bode well for the rest of the year.

ii) I dropped a class on Monday to escape from a prof I hate, and she showed up at my class today as the replacement for the other prof, who is taking a leave. Will nothing go my way?

iii) Differences between me and Maggie: she likes a boy and talks about music, Russian literature, theatre and the history of punk; I like a boy and talk about religious tensions, provincial politics, and market demographics. She gets lots of sex; I get debate and antagonism. Sometimes I get a smile, sometimes not even that.

iv) It's ten to 1, I was going to spend the day studying on campus, and I promised to meet someone at 2 in order to do so. But I'm suddenly worried about all the readings and papers I have, so I think I am going to go home and hyperventilate instead.

...my big decision...

Despite my internal promise to, for the most part, keep this blog from returning to the political, there is a current issue I want to address. I had a visit from Peter Shurman last night, he is campaigning in Thornhill for the Ontario PC. For a small-ish quaint village in Vaughan, Thornhill is actually a rather visible and important riding; and having Peter Shurman, a visible media personality, as the PC candidate seems fairly apt.

As many of you know, one of the big ticket issues on the Ontario PC platform under John Tory is the funding of faith-based schools. Tory intends to divert $500 million from the public education system to the funding of private religious schools. It's expected that in the culturally diverse Thornhill community, this issue and the profile strength of Peter Shurman will take this recently Liberal riding back to the PC.

When his campaign team were at my house last night, I was asked if I or any in my home would be voting PC in the next election, to which I answered a hesitant "Noooo...". "Oh, are you still deciding?", Shurman asked. To which I responded that no, we were fairly certain and no, we were absolutely not PC. Which isn't entirely true; my family has been traditionally evenly divided between Liberal and PC. However in this provincial election, we have a tricky situation ahead of us. I definately was not intending to vote for Mario Racco, he having been fairly useless as far as representatives go. But neither am I going to vote for Shurman. The faith-based schools issue is what the Ontario PC expects will win them the Thornhill riding, which has more private religious schools than any other in the province. However, it is exactly this issue that lost the PC the support of any in my family, including my previously near-always PC-voting father. Frankly, if we wanted equal support for religious schools in a public education system, we would have stayed in Iran. Diverting money from an already strapped Ontario public school system to fund religious schools, who for the most part deliberately choose to remove themselves from the standard education system, is not something we will support. Not to mention the fact that one of the conditions for funding is adherence to the problematic Ontario curriculum guidelines and standardized testing, and we all know how I feel about that.

Let me know your thoughts.

...dreaming in polish/my shoulder hurts...

Is there anything as lovely as Chopin's "Lento in C-Sharp Minor"?

Maybe a Friday night with a pseudo-relationship.

Maybe... playing Chopin to distract from a Friday night with a pseudo-relationship.

Maybe... playing to forget about the ex-lover who was at my bar, that same Friday night, at the table next to ours. Me and my past relationship/me and my not-quite-yet.